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The company I work for recently had a holiday party. Lucky for me, I only knew a few people there, so it was a great event to meet strangers and make new friends.

What I’ve come to realize is that when you want to built rapport with someone, you must make them feel comfortable around you. That will allow you to have prolonged, connected conversations, and will make the meeting worthwhile.

• Start with confidence: When speaking to a person with confidence, you feel safe. There is no need to have to work hard to help or save the other person. Furthermore, you remove discomfort by showing you are a safe person to talk to: you aren’t volatile. The person your talking to is not your therapist. Remember: speak at a moderate pace, keeping stillness in mind.
• Lead the conversation by asking questions: This works wonders. People love hearing themselves talk. So let them talk about themselves by asking them questions. They will feel important, and in turn, feel comfortable with you. Make sure to ask appropriate questions like “Where are you from?” or “Where is the coolest place you have traveled to?”. Avoid questions relating to sex, religion, politics, death… anything that might lead to an uncomfortable, and controversial conversation.
• Ask follow-up questions: These are gold, will allow you to extend the conversation, and avoid awkward silences, which create discomfort.
• Don’t be afraid to walk away: This is a hard decision to make. As soon as you feel like the conversation is dying, walk away. You can always come back and continue where you left off. Saying something like “Alright, I have to go make sure my friends are okay. I’ll see you later”. This tells the person that you hold social status with other people, that you are a natural leader (confidence), and perhaps you’ll meet again. You can take some time away to think of what next to say.
• Avoid social tests: Some people may test your level of confidence by asking you questions that make you vulnerable. This may include topics of sex, religion, politics, etc. The best way to avoid these questions is to either remain vague, give a quick vague answer and move to another topic, or ignore the question. These tests come at a moments notice, and by keeping your cool, you can retain your high status and confidence. One of my favorite responses is “Do you ask everyone this? Anyway…” and then move to another topic.
• Introduce others: Bring new people into the conversation! This is a great way to show that you are a leader with confidence, and can help you either get away from the person talking in a polite manner, or take a break from the conversation without leaving it.

The main component of making other people comfortable is being comfortable with yourself, and letting go of the need of validation.  These simple steps, along with other articles here at Improv Lifestyle will help you build comfortable rapport with others!

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